You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
