i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize