i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
