Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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