Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
this hospital has no fireball
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
