sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize