$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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