can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
