Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
