you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
