So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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