we're blogging at a bar
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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