Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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