bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
