The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
