I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
