Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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