can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
