His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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