you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
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Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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