I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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