this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
