How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
