I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Everclear isn't food dammit
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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