she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
