so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
