what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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