All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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