FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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