I can tuck mytits in my pants
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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