A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
