Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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