not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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