if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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