I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My ATM looks so different sober.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
