Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
