Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
