The maid of honor just puked.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
