It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
