I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
