have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
