So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
