normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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