too bad you live with your parents still
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
