I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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