Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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