once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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