stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
