Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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