yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
