in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
