Pappa wants mamma naked
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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