Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
