i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
