My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
