this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
