May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
