He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
God I need to hump something, right now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
