Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
