Need sex. Gaining weight.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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