Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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