it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
