that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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