So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
