You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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