All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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