he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
