So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
