it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
how does that bad decision feel?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
